Tag: being me

Five reasons I love writing

Five reasons I love writing

For those who know me, also know that I am actually a shy person. I do not really talk much, and I barely start a conversation, unless I am definitely sure the other person wants to talk. However, writing comes easier to me. I can take time to properly think of the words I am using, which I cannot do while talking. There, everything has to fit just right in the moment. Whenever I start thinking, people around me wonder if I am ignoring them, when in fact I am simply looking for words. This is only one of many reasons I enjoy writing and enjoy having this WordPress page.
Silhouettes of two people hugging

1. I feel less judged.

Whenever I talk to people, I feel the pressure to tell them exactly what they want to hear. I often had conversations in which people turned away from me or ignored my answer, when it was not what they expected. I have honestly no idea, how some guys can talk so much, even without thinking, at least it seems to me like that, and people seem to like them no matter what. A former coworker told me, that he thought of possible situations, and how reacting to them. If he was in a specific situation, he only had to recall his chosen reaction. Therefore, he was quick in finding the right thing to say or do. Thinking in advance is something I love. That is similar to writing. What will happen? What could the other person say if I said this or that? It is a lot of preparation, but it helps me to feel less judged in the real world.

A bit of phantasy

2. My fantasy can run wild.

I have a vivid fantasy. I love to make up my mind about all sorts of things. I love to figure out how people are. Therefore, I love to get in touch with new people. The more people I know, the better view I can get about one topic. Different kind of perspectives help me getting the full understanding of something, or at least getting close to that. Social Media helps me here. As hard as it is to approach someone in real life, as easier it is to chat with someone online. No one is looking at me. No one wants to have a reply immediately. I can properly think about my answer. I mean, I want to be funny. I want to be someone people like, so I have to be creative. There is nothing better than being creative, as long as I still be myself. I prefer to create realistic characters than phantasy ones. I want to tell stories people can identify. Stories that become more than a tale.

Reading a book

3. I can expand my knowledge.

Doing research for writing is very important to be believable. I am curious and want to understand different kinds of procedures. There might be people reading my stories who are experts in these fields about I am writing. The more research I do, talk to people about it, the more accurate are my information. When I want people relating to my characters, these have to know what they are doing. As I am telling them what to think, say and do, I have to know all the facts and details. I love reading books, or finding interesting articles online. It helps me to understand the world better and all the beauty it contains.

Sheet music

4. I can get lost in daydreaming.

Music helps me a lot to get my mind off and start creating characters and stories. Whenever I am out of the house, I start looking at people. I want to learn how they walk, how they interact with each other. Watching people carefully, without staring of course, I do not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and I do not follow anyone, helps me understanding their behaviors and evaluate the outcomes of certain situations. I do not listen to their conversations. Often I wear my ear plugs. Listening to music really calms me down. It is also less likely for others to talk to me, which does not make me put into a situation I might be unable to handle properly. I can think of the conversation these people could share, and by doing that I think of their characters. I wonder what their job might be, what their plans for the day are, what they are dealing with, and so on. Their word choice is also important, because people from different walks of life talk differently. It also depends from the region they live in, their age and heritage. The choice of words already tells me a lot about someone’s personality.

Book pages shape a heart.

5. It makes me feel home.

For so many people, home is a building. Well, for me it is my safe place. Back in 2015, when Jim Parsons did some press for his animated movie “Home”, I asked what this means to him, and he replied that he feels home whenever he is surrounded by people who are okay with him being himself. That is one example of how interacting with people gives me new perspectives. Though even before that, I felt that I am home, whenever I am in the hearts of those people I care. In some way, I felt relieved that Jim’s answer was not something like “when I am in my house”. Home is my happy place. My happy place is when I can write, say what I think without others judging me. It is simply when I can be myself (which was basically, what Jim said). I can be whomever I want in my stories, and I can be a bit of everyone. Writing is my escape from reality, and my entrance to reality. It is just a way of perspective.

My present to you.

As the holidays are coming closer, I thought to re-share the pilot script of a sitcom, which I wrote more than six years ago. It is one of the first stories Jim inspired me to write. The title is “Artists of Life” and it is about a gay couple, an actor and a writer, who do their very best to gain a foothold in New York. When they do not earn enough money from their dream jobs to keep paying the rent, they make an audition for finding the new perfect roommate. It is about the struggles we face in life, and that creativity and some dose of fun, as well as people we love, can help us walking on this tightrope called life.

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Thank you for reading.

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Please let me be happy too

Please let me be happy too

Imagine you see two people holding hands. Beautiful, isn’t it? Imagine they would look at each other intensively, smile and kiss. What do you think? Is this love?

Couple silhouette

Now imagine one of them was you. The other one was your partner, your soul mate, your best friend.

For simplicity, I refer to a male partner here. When you are into girls, just replace the pronouns in your head accordingly.

Imagine there is just you and him. How do you feel? Happy? Fulfilled? Do you feel like you are the luckiest person on the entire planet? You want to share this awesome news. You found love, and he loves you back. Winning the lottery is nothing compared to finding true love. You want to go to the movies with him, get to know him better at dinner, and you want to show everyone how happy you are. You cannot believe that you are sweeping off your feet. Before you met him, you did not even know that you could feel this way.

Now imagine someone you have never met before comes to you, telling you that you were making a huge mistake. He is telling you, your partner was wrong for you. What do you say? “What makes you think that? Does he hurt me? You know neither him nor me. And besides, it is none of your business.”

He might say he feels offended by your behavior. Will you tell him, that you are offended by his? He continues to say that you are wrong, that what you feel is not real, that this is no true love. You ask: “Do you want me to judge you for how you love? Do you want me to tell you how you can be happy? I dare to assume, you do not.”

Cats do not know any gender differences We make the differences between man and woman easy to notice. Cats and other animals don’t show their gender obviously.

Imagine you live in a beautiful house, and other people keep trying to come in, trying to drag you out. “You live in the wrong house”, they say. “But this is my home”, you answer. “This is where I am happy. This is my place to be. I am not hurting anyone by living here.” However, the other people are more than just one person, so they manage sooner or later that you leave. You live in another house now, but you miss your home. Home is where your heart is. Have you ever heard that? I am here, but my heart is over there. It is still in the other house.

Home is not a building. It is a feeling.

Why do people think they know me better than I know myself? Why do they keep telling me what is the only way to be happy, how I can be happy? We are all different. Imagine a world full of yous. There was no room for your partner. He would not exist in this world, because he is not you. Would you be happy? Some like dogs, and some like cats. Some prefer the beach and some the forest. Some love sunshine, and some the rain. There is nothing wrong loving any of these.

The man I love probably does not make you happy. But what if I would tell you, that you are loving wrong? Do you want to hear that? And do not say that it is different. Do you think you are better than me? You pretend to be interested in my happiness, when you are only interested in your own. I might be the tiny black spot that sticks out on your white paper of harmony. When you love cooking, do it. When you love singing, do it. When you love sports, go for it. Do what makes you happy. I might like different things, but that does not make me a bad person.

I hope we agree that when two people holding hands, looking at each other, smiling, and kissing, that this is love. You do not need any further details, do you? One might be white, and the other black. One might be a Jew, and the other a Christian. Maybe it was two men, or two women, or a man and a woman. Details seem to divide us, but on the inside, we are all the same. Look at these x-rays. You can say it is a human being. That is all that matters.

Being a human is the only info that matters Is this a man or a woman? Does the gender make a difference?

Yes, I do love a man. Even if I was a man or said I loved a woman, this should not make any difference. Do you want me to become a man? Should he become a woman? Would that make you feel better? Would that make you happy? Do not pretend to know me. Love equally also means that I love myself as well. It can be hard sometimes listening to the one voice within me, when too many others on the outside make such a noise. What matters is the only voice that actually knows me. I listen to my heart. And guess what: it knows what makes me happy. Happiness is a feeling. You do not learn it. You feel it. How can anyone think I do not deserve happiness? Why can other people be happy, but not me?

The other people have more voices than my heart, as I only have one, but it’s the only one that truly counts. How can it make others happy, if I was with someone they want me to be? Have you ever experienced love? Do you know how it feels? Or have you just learned the definition? I am not you, and you are not me. I do not know what makes you happy. You do not know what makes me happy. Why can you not be happy for me?

When someone tries to tell you that you are loving wrong, tell them the only wrong way to do is to not love at all. Tell this person: I know we are different. Unlike you, I would never tell anyone how to love. You think it makes you happy, when you would see me with someone else, but you do not. You do not care. You have focused on the details that you have learned. My definition is to follow my heart. I love being happy, and I do not allow you, a random stranger, to take this feeling away from me. Stealing is bad. Judging is too – unless you work and are in a court while judging.

Your heart is important! Listen and follow it! What matters is what’s inside (you:) your heart!

I love myself. And I allow myself to love who makes me happy, not who others think make me happy. He is my heart, he is my home, he is my happy place. I do not know you, but I know two things: you learned about love and follow that definition like it was a math equation with only one right solution. You like different things than I do, but on the inside we are the same. I dare to say that you want to be loved; truly, madly, deeply. I dare to say you want to be happy. Please let me be happy, too.

Why is time passing by so fast and how can I deal with it better?

Why is time passing by so fast and how can I deal with it better?

I cannot feel, see, hear, or smell it, and yet I know I am somehow wrapped in it. It is a precious gift, which gives me so many opportunities. Yet, it is scary because the older I get, the more it seems to accelerate. I know, I only have a limited amount of it. However, I spent a lot of it procrastinating and waiting. Why? Continue reading “Why is time passing by so fast and how can I deal with it better?”

Fear no fear – my way to happiness 

Fear no fear – my way to happiness 

Every new year people make plans, think of how they can improve their lives and get rid of bad habits. I usually made resolutions like eating more healthy, doing more sports, and meeting my friends more often. Just the typical things. This year I want to make things differently. I don’t wanna do what everyone else is doing. I was thinking of what kind of change I really need in my life. Why do I need it now? A ‘normal’ resolution doesn’t work for me, it’s too unpersonal. I am not eager enough to make them work, because it’s what I generally should do more, and maybe almost everyone, but to me New Year’s resolutions have to be more personal.  Continue reading “Fear no fear – my way to happiness “