I cannot feel, see, hear, or smell it, and yet I know I am somehow wrapped in it. It is a precious gift, which gives me so many opportunities. Yet, it is scary because the older I get, the more it seems to accelerate. I know, I only have a limited amount of it. However, I spent a lot of it procrastinating and waiting. Why?
Last month I turned 30, and as scary as that number sounded to me at first, I feel at ease with it now. Nothing really changed, besides the fact I am no longer a twenty-something. The first decade as an adult is over, and I could not feel freer somehow, if that is a thing. I was scared of so many things. Doing some things for the first time, well, needed lots of motivation and ambition to push myself forward. These days, I know what I am capable of doing. I focus more on what I can. Positive thinking was one of the things I seriously had to learn. Even if I cannot predict all possible outcomes, I know now everyone makes mistakes sometimes. Why do I put the stakes so high and expect of me being perfect?
There were many things I did not do, because I was scared of failing and because I thought I still have so much time left, so I can take the next opportunity. However, how do I know that I will get another chance? How do I know how much time I actually have left? At least, these feelings make me an optimist, and that is good, isn’t it?
Only not trying is a real failure, because then I will never know the awesome lessons I could have learned. And learning is always good, no matter if it is something positive or negative. Every experience puts more faith in me. It is like testing, figuring out who I am. Can I do that? Let’s try it. I am still young, and I have so many more years ahead, yet I know it will be over one day. There are things I won’t be able doing when I am going to have kids someday, or when I will be in my seventies. So travelling a lot is one thing I enjoy the most these days.
Just recently, I stumbled upon an interesting article about positive thinking being healthy. Expecting good things to happen can help dealing easier with problems, or any kind of diseases. It makes me believe in myself more, fight harder, try more things, which is what makes life special. In my twenties, I was mostly like “I have never done this before, so I cannot do it”. These days I am like “hell yeah, let’s try it”. Maybe because I can evaluate my strengths and weaknesses more in a rational than simply an emotional way, which was often lead by simply insecurity and anxiety of the unknown.
As I learned from one of my co-workers: “There are no problems, only challenges.”
Time is way too precious to waste it on waiting. It is not easy leaving my comfort zone, but it is the only way to bring me further. Focus on how it can work, might be tricky but I know now, there is always a possibility to make something work. How can anything change, without me doing something? I cannot stay in bed, waiting for good things to happen, and I cannot protect myself from all possible dangers. Not moving at all, caused actually hating myself more for missing out so much. I remember six years ago, the first time I wanted to go to New York. I did not go. I was too scared travelling alone and I could not find anyone joining me. Lesson I learned? I missed something that I wanted to do so badly. I did not want to feel like this again. Three years later, I finally did it and it was the most riveting experience I ever had. This year I travelled again. I knew I could do it, which made everything even more intense.
Back to the main question: time is not accelerating. The more plans I have, the more things I want to do, the more I fill my time. Doing whatever I love and enjoy makes it pass by in an instant. I do not focus on it, I simply live it. It is like having money, but only save it for something. It’s good to have some extra cash, but it gives me opportunities to spend it on something I love. I can get back some money, but I can never get back any of my time. So I choose wisely what I do with it.
It is nothing to touch, smell, taste, see or hear. There is no way for us to actually sense it. Somehow, it is all around us. It is happening and there is no way to outrun it. Time is the change between two events. The earth is turning, and I am moving with it. Change is everywhere, every day, constantly. I am getting older. That can be scary, because it is something new. I have never been in my 30s before. And I will never getting back there. I look forward to more great things to happen. Time is there to create memories, which no one can ever take away from me.
I am glad I do not know how much time I have left. This countdown would totally freak me out. I want to make the most of every day, appreciate it, spend it with those I love and do as much I love to do – at least most of the time, I have lots of duties, too. However, even my job is one I chose. So, it is a privilege to have it. It allows me doing other things I love. Knowing that I am the master of my life helps me being more positive. I choose how to spend it.
If I choose to be happy, I will find a way.