Some are afraid of spiders or bugs, others of heights, or anything else. I am not a fan of any of those. However, there are ten things I am anxious about, and I am quite sure, you would have never guessed or maybe even thought about these. What shall I say, I am different, and unfortunately most times most people don’t understand me.
If you read my older post, you might remember that trusting people is not that easy for me. It is not only that I am afraid of them to hurt me sooner or later in which way ever, but also that I am anxious to bother, or bore them. I do not feel that I have much to say or that any interesting thing is happening in my life. I am really the worst in chit- chatting.
I am anxious being a waste of time for someone else.
I love spending time with my friends, those who I trust and know they spend time with me because they really want to. I love to entertain them, I love to tell them stories. I have always loved to listen to my friends, hear what they liked, mixed these things and created a story. Every night I was lying in bed, and when I was satisfied with my bed time story, I had something to tell the other day. I knew they would love that, and I enjoyed that people were finally listening to me, and I could put a smile on their faces.
But somehow I am anxious that they think I just love to create things in my head, instead of enjoying my actual life.
How much of me is actually me? What if I am a mixture of how I think others want me to be? When I was a teenager, I tried to fit in. I wanted to be part of a group. By listening to others and hearing what they liked, I started being interested in the same things. I wanted them to accept me, to welcome me in their group. I was afraid to tell my actual opinion on anything, when I had no clue how the other person would react to it.
I feel anxious about not being loved by others for being myself.
I love to dream, and I love to dream big. But I am constantly anxious about being judged for that. Other people have different ideas of their future. They can be happy with simple things, or just don’t aim that high. For example, I want to do a job not only for the money. I want to do something that makes me get a result and that is appreciated by others. Certainly everyone wants that, but as money is important for making a living, others seem to have less issues making compromises.
I am anxious about being unable to be truly happy with my life, and that I always want more and something better and different.
As I often have no idea what interestingly to say, I prefer listening. It is no greater joy trying to understand others and see the world through their eyes. I enjoyed the challenge even more to create a story of everything they told me they liked.
Just sometimes I am anxious to get lost in my stories and forget about myself.
When I started working at my first job, I was anxious I could not do it right. My co-workers might make fun of me, because I could not understand the simplest things – that’s what I thought very often back then.
Still when I try something for the first time, I am afraid of failing. And I am anxious others will point fingers at me for being unable doing something that is easy for everyone but me.
I stopped telling stories when I started working. People around me were telling me that being creative was solely for kids. I would not make money with it, which I was told, was the most important thing to make a decent living. By giving up on writing, I gave up a part of me, one that I actually liked and knew that was me. I love to see my friends happy, to give them something back as a thank you for spending time with me.
Just sometimes I am anxious about showing too less gratitude, and appreciation for those I care about and love the most.
I constantly strive for more. I want to improve, learn, grow, become a better version of myself. Every day is filled with so many new possibilities, and I am anxious of missing out on too many of them. Often I find myself procrastinating things that I wanna do so bad, and then I hate myself for wasting another day doing something else instead. I have so many ideas in my head, and I wish I could do them all at once.
I am anxious to waste too much time on unnecessary or less important things instead of focusing what I really need to be happy.
When I let new people into my lives, I fear I might disappoint them. I fear that I cannot show them how much they matter to me. What if I think someone can change my life and I will be disappointed because no one can change my life but myself? Do I want a change? What if I always wanted something else, and will never be satisfied and happy?
Sometimes I even fear that my fears are ridiculous, and incomprehensible.
However my greatest fear is that I will lose the people I love and miss the opportunities to show them how important they are to me, or show them too less how much I care. I am anxious that I waste too much time overthinking my anxieties and insecurities.
What are your anxieties? Can you relate to mine? Please leave me a comment.
Thank you for reading.
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