Category: Think about

You will never guess my greatest anxieties

You will never guess my greatest anxieties

Some are afraid of spiders or bugs, others of heights, or anything else. I am not a fan of any of those. However, there are ten things I am anxious about, and I am quite sure, you would have never guessed or maybe even thought about these. What shall I say, I am different, and unfortunately most times most people don’t understand me.

If you read my older post, you might remember that trusting people is not that easy for me. It is not only that I am afraid of them to hurt me sooner or later in which way ever, but also that I am anxious to bother, or bore them. I do not feel that I have much to say or that any interesting thing is happening in my life. I am really the worst in chit- chatting.

I am anxious being a waste of time for someone else.

I love spending time with my friends, those who I trust and know they spend time with me because they really want to. I love to entertain them, I love to tell them stories. I have always loved to listen to my friends, hear what they liked, mixed these things and created a story. Every night I was lying in bed, and when I was satisfied with my bed time story, I had something to tell the other day. I knew they would love that, and I enjoyed that people were finally listening to me, and I could put a smile on their faces.

But somehow I am anxious that they think I just love to create things in my head, instead of enjoying my actual life.

How much of me is actually me? What if I am a mixture of how I think others want me to be? When I was a teenager, I tried to fit in. I wanted to be part of a group. By listening to others and hearing what they liked, I started being interested in the same things. I wanted them to accept me, to welcome me in their group. I was afraid to tell my actual opinion on anything, when I had no clue how the other person would react to it.

I feel anxious about not being loved by others for being myself.

I love to dream, and I love to dream big. But I am constantly anxious about being judged for that. Other people have different ideas of their future. They can be happy with simple things, or just don’t aim that high. For example, I want to do a job not only for the money. I want to do something that makes me get a result and that is appreciated by others. Certainly everyone wants that, but as money is important for making a living, others seem to have less issues making compromises.

I am anxious about being unable to be truly happy with my life, and that I always want more and something better and different.

As I often have no idea what interestingly to say, I prefer listening. It is no greater joy trying to understand others and see the world through their eyes. I enjoyed the challenge even more to create a story of everything they told me they liked.

Just sometimes I am anxious to get lost in my stories and forget about myself.

When I started working at my first job, I was anxious I could not do it right. My co-workers might make fun of me, because I could not understand the simplest things – that’s what I thought very often back then.

Still when I try something for the first time, I am afraid of failing. And I am anxious others will point fingers at me for being unable doing something that is easy for everyone but me.

I stopped telling stories when I started working. People around me were telling me that being creative was solely for kids. I would not make money with it, which I was told, was the most important thing to make a decent living. By giving up on writing, I gave up a part of me, one that I actually liked and knew that was me. I love to see my friends happy, to give them something back as a thank you for spending time with me.

Just sometimes I am anxious about showing too less gratitude, and appreciation for those I care about and love the most.

I constantly strive for more. I want to improve, learn, grow, become a better version of myself. Every day is filled with so many new possibilities, and I am anxious of missing out on too many of them. Often I find myself procrastinating things that I wanna do so bad, and then I hate myself for wasting another day doing something else instead. I have so many ideas in my head, and I wish I could do them all at once.

I am anxious to waste too much time on unnecessary or less important things instead of focusing what I really need to be happy.

When I let new people into my lives, I fear I might disappoint them. I fear that I cannot show them how much they matter to me. What if I think someone can change my life and I will be disappointed because no one can change my life but myself? Do I want a change? What if I always wanted something else, and will never be satisfied and happy?

Sometimes I even fear that my fears are ridiculous, and incomprehensible.

However my greatest fear is that I will lose the people I love and miss the opportunities to show them how important they are to me, or show them too less how much I care. I am anxious that I waste too much time overthinking my anxieties and insecurities.

What are your anxieties? Can you relate to mine? Please leave me a comment.


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What is the sense of stereotypes?

What is the sense of stereotypes?

Playing is a way to see the world, to create an understanding for everything. Kids love switching into different characters, getting dressed up and being someone else for just a moment. They see the world differently. They see it without these “boxes” in which adults often instinctively put people. Children ask questions, and wonder about certain behaviors that grown up’s would never consider. Why? Adults learned that some things are the way they are. Period. This answer would never be enough for a kid. When do adults stop asking? Is it easier to accept a specific way of thinking, than daring to think differently? Continue reading “What is the sense of stereotypes?”

Fear no fear – my way to happiness 

Fear no fear – my way to happiness 

Every new year people make plans, think of how they can improve their lives and get rid of bad habits. I usually made resolutions like eating more healthy, doing more sports, and meeting my friends more often. Just the typical things. This year I want to make things differently. I don’t wanna do what everyone else is doing. I was thinking of what kind of change I really need in my life. Why do I need it now? A ‘normal’ resolution doesn’t work for me, it’s too unpersonal. I am not eager enough to make them work, because it’s what I generally should do more, and maybe almost everyone, but to me New Year’s resolutions have to be more personal.  Continue reading “Fear no fear – my way to happiness “

The differences between Germans and Americans 

The differences between Germans and Americans 

They are miles apart. The Atlantic Ocean is right between them. However, how much different are Germans and Americans actually? I do not want to focus much on politics or economics, but about the people. I was born and raised in Germany. I have relatives and friends in both countries. I love American TV shows and holidays, I am interested in the political situation in both countries, and I think Germans and Americans are more alike than it might appears. 
(I want to point out, that this is just my opinion, based on the experiences I made. It can vary to your own.)

The beauty of globalization!?

Many people still dream of one united world, while many world leaders want to turn their nation into the only one triumphing. We all live on one single planet, but there is not one mindset, that is entirely right. Every person is unique. I mean, underneath the skin, we are alike. There is no difference between the X-ray of a black and a white man, a Christian and a Moslem. It is solely the feelings, and beliefs, which vary. What makes us so unique is not the skin color, but the emotions attached to it. Back in Stone Age, people were looking for those, who appeared similar to them. They were suspicious about aliens. They wanted to protect themselves. Still these days we are more likely to find friends and a partner who is like a beloved person. The chances that this relationship will last long, is by far higher than to someone who is quite the opposite.

That is the reason “the others” are often considered as the bad people. They can be the black ones, refugees, or belong to any other minority. Both countries fear losing their home to the minorities. Parties like the AFD, that is far right in Germany, arise unreasonable fear by ignoring the facts and creating vicious emotions. There are only two percent of refugees compared to the amount of Germans living in Germany. Therefore, it is unreasonable that the refugees will soon take over. The reaction to such, by statistics proven, facts is in both countries the same, when it does not fit to specific politicians’ opinions: in Germany, it is called “Luegenpresse” (lying press) and in the US, it is “fake news”. 

However, what is a “real” German or American? The AFD considers everyone not German who does not look like one – to them. How is a typical German supposed to look like? That is a big issue, also in the US. Some people might have grandparents from different countries, but cannot relate much to it, because they were not born and raised there. I have a friend who is half Moroccan, but she has never been to that country. Her Mom lives in Germany, my friend was born and raised here. Germany is her home country. She is German. Unfortunately, many people tell her she is lying when she talks about her nationality. 

Putting stereotypes into boxes

Facts are one thing, but they are meaningless when they do not appeal to the emotions, which can lead to illogical decisions. Why seeking for a potential enemy even in the own country? Why do we want to tear others down, instead of accepting a challenge and become better? When I was a college student, I had to do an interview with a former doctor who is nowadays doing comedy in Germany. His secretary refused using the words “he is a TV star now, he cannot do interviews with students.” He was just one of many people I figured out who think they are better than “freaking, stupid students”. In the US, it is different. I feel more support. Politicians and entrepreneurs are pleased giving interviews to students for infamous podcasts, magazines or blogs – not all of them, but there is a higher chance they answer questions than Germans. These people maybe remember how they once started, and are not thinking, “Now I am the famous guy and you better beg or pay lots of money to afford me.” I think the more money is on the table, the less happy people are for others. At least that is what I experienced in Germany. These rich people become some sort of a Montgomery Burns on The Simpsons. They think they cannot fail, nothing they do is questionable and who ever dares to, has to be the declared enemy.

When I was younger, I felt I was the only person with issues. Life seemed so easy for other people. They were smart and beautiful, and I was simply too stupid for it all. Now I have realized that many successful women, like actresses Melissa Benoist and Emma Stone, were dealing with anxieties and insecurities. It feels good to read about that, and to notice I am not the only one. It has always been hard for me to express feelings. As a teenager, I tried my best to refuse them. Emotions made me feel even more vulnerable. I did not want to give the other kids another thing to laugh at me, or talk behind my back, which I constantly felt they were doing. Listening to my friends and helping them is something I like, but I always feel like I cannot bother them with my crap, because they have enough to deal with. Even when they tell me, they are interested; I feel it hard to accept. I know they have problems, too, but I feel to be just excessively different and they would not understand, maybe even consider me crazy. Who am I to complain anyway? There are “real” problems out there, than me feeling like an alien.

The same in different ways

Have you ever felt differently? Have you ever felt unaccepted for who you are? This could be because of your nationality, religion, ethnicity, or maybe your emotions. We all have them. They make us human. They make us the same, but also separate us. They make us vulnerable, but they also empower us. I think when everyone shares, instead of hiding or even refusing having feelings, insecurities and anxieties would not be such a big deal. Everyone has them. It is good to admit being imperfect, instead of laughing at others and pretending or not showing any issues. The minority is the majority. Instead of pointing fingers and catastrophizing, I wish for people to be more open about themselves, and about other people. Accepting others and focusing on the good, that is still in the majority and it is on us to keep it that way; that is the actual beauty of globalization. 

Do not fear or hate those who are like you. Forget the box thinking, and allow everyone the freedom to embrace herself entirely. Put the obstacles from your thoughts aside, the differences that humankind created like nationality, religion, and ethnicity. Only then, we can maybe become what we already are: equally human beings.