Category: Life

Thank you

Thank you

Yesterday was a big day for NASA when InSight landed on Mars and sent its first picture to earth. I mean, how impressive is that? Planets, moons, our solar system and the universe have always fascinated me. The fact that we have technology to explore another planet simply leaves me speechless. Watching the landing live felt even better than my excited self could have imagined. It is different seeing such an outstanding moment when it actually happens than a few hours later. Sports fans will understand that. Recording a game and watching it later is simply no option. 

I am truly grateful for NASA and Twitter putting up the live stream and making it possible for everyone around the globe to watch this. These people at NASA do an incredible job helping us getting a better understanding of our planet and the universe. I am already curious what InSight will find out about the red planet. 

What new details will InSight give us about Mars?

It is not only people at NASA, who do an incredibly great part of making this place a happy one. Often it seems to me that many guys only focus on the one tiny, black spot on a big, white paper. As many bad things as exist, there are much more good things – just for most people that is no news (worth), or is it? I mean, every time something good happens, I often just think, “it is normal, how it is supposed to be”, without being actually grateful for it. However, when something bad happens, I remember this for a longer time and feel that constantly bad things are happening to me. 

Why can I not pay the same attention on good news?

Bad news are there to warn us. That is at least my explanation why most people are merely interested in them. Good news on the other hand, are nothing to worry about; but no one should forget about them. I want to be happy, and having a good time or getting good news definitely supports that. I feel even happier when I am with my family. 

Sharing the most valuable: time.

Last week was Thanksgiving and there is one particular thing about it that I wish other holidays had as well. It is about giving and being thankful. It is about showing gratitude not by buying expensive presents but simply by being present, which is actually more valuable. 

Spending time with loved ones, friends and family, is what I love the most. I also love that Christmas is about spending time with my family. Presents are not that important. In my family, I mostly give my parents self-made calendars. I enjoy making them, and I even more enjoy giving them something unique. The present is not the calendar itself, but more the time and thoughts I spent making it.

Two different ways of thinking about presents. 

I had a friend in college who bought her boyfriend a present worth one grand. I would never spend that much money on a present, besides the fact I could not afford it. Honestly, I think it is sad, that for many people life or holidays like Christmas seem to be all about money. (She seriously asked me back then, if that was not too cheap.) 

Quite different were the thoughts of a former coworker. She told me that she does not need Christmas or a birthday for giving her loved ones a present. Whenever she sees something, which reminds her of someone, she buys and gives it to that person. She said that she feels sad that people need a specific day to show how much they love someone. Every day offers many opportunities to give someone a gift, which does not even have to be an item.

My Christmas Cookie jars and some decoration.
My Christmas Cookie jars and some decoration.

The one, who only has money, is the poorest person.

In German literature there is a book called Jedermann (literally “Everyman”) by Hugo von Hofmannsthal, which is about a man who thinks he can buy everything with money. When the day of his death comes closer, he wants someone else to go for him. He wants to keep paying people, as he feels they are only there to do the things for him he does not want to. He feels like is better than other people, so he should not waste his time doing things himself and leaving earth with nothing just like all the other people. He wants to take at least all his possessions with him. Well, you can imagine how it ended for him. 

Money is important to have, but more important is it to have family and friends. If you do not get along with your family, choose friends who become the family of your choice. Find people who truly love you for being who you are. That is what I am grateful. Even I do sometimes feel lonely, I somehow know that I have people in my life I can count and rely on. Money can neither buy friends, nor time. 

Thanksgiving is like Christmas without worrying about buying the right presents. 

Family time is what matters the most. I wish Christmas was more like Thanksgiving, meaning that it is less about consumerism. Time is so precious, even though I often feel like I take it for granted, e.g. I procrastinate something to the following week because I am not in the mood at that moment, even though I really want to do it. At least this makes me an optimistic, as I think I still live next week. I will never take anything for granted. I am grateful for everything I have.

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Thank you for reading.

If you liked that post, please show me and click the button below. I would also love to read your thoughts in the comment section. Always feel free to share my posts with your friends on Social Media. You can also find me on Twitter, Instagram and YouTube. Please also follow my page, directly on WordPress or via Email. Thank you. XO Sanny

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This is for the lonely

This is for the lonely

Have you ever felt alone? Have you ever felt like you were somehow the only one dealing with an issue that seemed to be the easiest for everyone else? Do you sometimes feel that there is no one to really talk to? I have felt that way about eight years ago.

I was in the beginnning of my twenties, so it seemed to be inappropriate to feel this way. I was depressed. I thought my life did not make any sense. Why would I feel that way when I was so young? I could not tell anyone. People would tell me that my life just started, and I should be happy and enthusiastic. That was the main reason, I have never told anyone. The other reason was that I noticed that every one was dealing with their own problems, and I did not want to bother them with one of mine.

I can only guess how hard it must have been for Demi Lovato writing and singing a song about her alcohol problem. Every time I listen to Sober, tears come to my eyes. I wish I could hug her, show her somehow that she is not alone. I wish I could show her that she is strong enough to overcome this. I believe in her, and I hope she does, too.

She probably knows that she is not actually alone, like I knew that I had my family and friends back then. Maybe I could have told them, but I was not brave enough like Demi. Instead, I pretended to be happy. I was acting, just for others as I did not want them to worry about me. Like I said, I knew they were dealing with their own problems, and I never wanted to be a problem for anyone.

These days I sometimes still feel lonely, but it is okay, because I know I can talk about it. I do want to know when my friends and family are having problems, issues or anxieties. I love to help and be there for them. Maybe it was because of watching the CBS comedy Mom that made me realize how important it is to talk about a personal issue.

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We are in this together. There might be people who cannot understand it, but some people can. And maybe there are many like me, who felt being unable to cope with the working world right after graduation. Maybe there are other people who also feel that school did not prepare them for the working life. It is hard to explain. I feared that I was failing, unable to deal with anything. Sounds like no big deal, especially when thinking about it several years later.

Everything seemed to be easy for everyone, and all I could see were my own mistakes, as that seemed to be the only thing I was good at: making mistakes. Nowadays, I accept my insecurities, and mental issues. I can see that others have the same or different ones, and so it is okay that I have mine. I have not started drinking alcohol like Demi, but I was mad at myself way too often.

It is hard to open up and there is another song that is exactly about what is on my mind and how I often feel. River by Josh Groban.

I thank Demi and Josh for these beautifully moving songs, and their strenght to sing about something that is also a part of us. It might not be the best part, but it is important to talk about it. Opening up is the first step of recovery and feeling better some day. Maybe there are other people who can relate to the same issues and feelings. They listen to the song, read or listen to these words, and that might make them feel understood and less alone.

Only when I shut myself away, I am actually lonely.

Have you ever felt lonely? What do you do? Do you talk about it? Please leave me a comment.

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Thank you for reading.

If you liked that post, please show me and click the button below. I would also love to read your thoughts in the comment section. Always feel free to share my posts with your friends on Social Media. You can also find me on Twitter, Instagram and YouTube. Please also follow my page, directly on WordPress or via Email. Thank you. XO Sanny

5 reasons for traveling on my own

5 reasons for traveling on my own

As fun as it can be to go to new cities and places with friends, I do this very rarely. Most of my friends simply do not get the same days off, don’t like the same places, or simply feel that traveling is a waste of money. Okay, I also have a bunch of friends who simply cannot afford to travel much or go far away. However, instead of staying at home all the time, I found some great reasons for me why I actually enjoy traveling alone.

1. I can go wherever I want.

I love planning my trip. I don’t want to see anything with some other guys, who tell me what I should see, when and for how long. I might find other things interesting. Advices are always welcome, but in the end, it’s my decision where to go and what to see. I honestly do not want to join a group of people, and doing a tour with them. I just enjoy to plan my own trip. At work, it is my boss telling me what to do, but when I am on vacation, I want to decide.

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2. I decide the budget.

Some can spend more money on a vacation and some less. It depends on the expenses, and on the job. I do have friends who simply cannot afford traveling over sea. I get that, but it will not keep me from going to the places I love and want to see. Life is for living, not for waiting. I worked for it, and I can decide how I spend my money. I love traveling, and seeing new places, so why should I not take the opportunity?

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3. There is no argument about the accommodation.

Some prefer the hotel, others simply need a small room with nothing but a bed. I need some comfort. I do not need a luxury hotel – and I cannot afford that anyway. On my vacation, I want to spend more money than usually, and I prefer a quiet, decent and not too cheap place. I mean, I want to enjoy my trip and bring home some wonderful memories. I can save money when I am back home again.

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4. I can plan my day.

If I want to stay in bed a bit longer, I do that. There is no rush when I am on vacation. I do not want to hurry from one place to another. I want to take time. Some of my friends need less sleep than I do. Others simply want to constantly do something and cannot sit still for too long. I honestly love sitting on a bench at a park or somewhere, and simply enjoy what I do not have while working: time. However, people are different. Certainly, two people can make an arrangement, like: One day get up early, next day stay in bed longer. But who likes such conversations?

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5. It is easier getting to know new people.

I love spending time with my friends, and when I am with them, I focus on them, mostly I only pay attention to them and not to anyone around us. It is not that easy for me starting a conversation with someone I do not know. When I travel on my own, I often simply feel to talk to people, and some even come to me and starting a conversation. That makes my trips even more special. I love to chat with locals or other travelers.

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Me in the Colloseum in Rome

I have to admit, sometimes I do feel lonely on my trips and wish I could share these moments with someone. Many friends have promised me going to places with me, when I go with them to a destination of their choice first. I did my part, but mostly they did not go to where I wanted. We simply have different desires. At least I have one friend who every now and then travels with me, and I enjoy our trips as well.

For so long I held myself back. I even hated myself for not going to the places and cities I love. I do not need anyone. I refuse to have to wait any longer. It feels good being independent. My first solo trip was to New York, followed by Malta, Los Angeles, New York again and Rome. I just came back from the Italian capital city, and had a wonderful time. Experiences, memories, that I will treasure and that no one can ever take away from me.

Have you ever traveled on your own? Please share your experiences with me in the comments.

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Thank you for reading.

If you liked that post, please show me and click the button below. I would also love to read your thoughts in the comment section. Always feel free to share my posts with your friends on Social Media. You can also find me on Twitter, Instagram and YouTube. Please also follow my page, directly on WordPress or via Email. Thank you. XO Sanny

You will never guess my greatest anxieties

You will never guess my greatest anxieties

Some are afraid of spiders or bugs, others of heights, or anything else. I am not a fan of any of those. However, there are ten things I am anxious about, and I am quite sure, you would have never guessed or maybe even thought about these. What shall I say, I am different, and unfortunately most times most people don’t understand me.

If you read my older post, you might remember that trusting people is not that easy for me. It is not only that I am afraid of them to hurt me sooner or later in which way ever, but also that I am anxious to bother, or bore them. I do not feel that I have much to say or that any interesting thing is happening in my life. I am really the worst in chit- chatting.

I am anxious being a waste of time for someone else.

I love spending time with my friends, those who I trust and know they spend time with me because they really want to. I love to entertain them, I love to tell them stories. I have always loved to listen to my friends, hear what they liked, mixed these things and created a story. Every night I was lying in bed, and when I was satisfied with my bed time story, I had something to tell the other day. I knew they would love that, and I enjoyed that people were finally listening to me, and I could put a smile on their faces.

But somehow I am anxious that they think I just love to create things in my head, instead of enjoying my actual life.

How much of me is actually me? What if I am a mixture of how I think others want me to be? When I was a teenager, I tried to fit in. I wanted to be part of a group. By listening to others and hearing what they liked, I started being interested in the same things. I wanted them to accept me, to welcome me in their group. I was afraid to tell my actual opinion on anything, when I had no clue how the other person would react to it.

I feel anxious about not being loved by others for being myself.

I love to dream, and I love to dream big. But I am constantly anxious about being judged for that. Other people have different ideas of their future. They can be happy with simple things, or just don’t aim that high. For example, I want to do a job not only for the money. I want to do something that makes me get a result and that is appreciated by others. Certainly everyone wants that, but as money is important for making a living, others seem to have less issues making compromises.

I am anxious about being unable to be truly happy with my life, and that I always want more and something better and different.

As I often have no idea what interestingly to say, I prefer listening. It is no greater joy trying to understand others and see the world through their eyes. I enjoyed the challenge even more to create a story of everything they told me they liked.

Just sometimes I am anxious to get lost in my stories and forget about myself.

When I started working at my first job, I was anxious I could not do it right. My co-workers might make fun of me, because I could not understand the simplest things – that’s what I thought very often back then.

Still when I try something for the first time, I am afraid of failing. And I am anxious others will point fingers at me for being unable doing something that is easy for everyone but me.

I stopped telling stories when I started working. People around me were telling me that being creative was solely for kids. I would not make money with it, which I was told, was the most important thing to make a decent living. By giving up on writing, I gave up a part of me, one that I actually liked and knew that was me. I love to see my friends happy, to give them something back as a thank you for spending time with me.

Just sometimes I am anxious about showing too less gratitude, and appreciation for those I care about and love the most.

I constantly strive for more. I want to improve, learn, grow, become a better version of myself. Every day is filled with so many new possibilities, and I am anxious of missing out on too many of them. Often I find myself procrastinating things that I wanna do so bad, and then I hate myself for wasting another day doing something else instead. I have so many ideas in my head, and I wish I could do them all at once.

I am anxious to waste too much time on unnecessary or less important things instead of focusing what I really need to be happy.

When I let new people into my lives, I fear I might disappoint them. I fear that I cannot show them how much they matter to me. What if I think someone can change my life and I will be disappointed because no one can change my life but myself? Do I want a change? What if I always wanted something else, and will never be satisfied and happy?

Sometimes I even fear that my fears are ridiculous, and incomprehensible.

However my greatest fear is that I will lose the people I love and miss the opportunities to show them how important they are to me, or show them too less how much I care. I am anxious that I waste too much time overthinking my anxieties and insecurities.

What are your anxieties? Can you relate to mine? Please leave me a comment.

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Thank you for reading.

If you liked that post, please show me and click the button below. I would also love to read your thoughts in the comment section. Always feel free to share my posts with your friends on Social Media. You can also find me on Twitter, Instagram and YouTube. Please also follow my page, directly on WordPress or via Email. Thank you. XO Sanny