Not in my dancing shoes

Not in my dancing shoes

It’s pretty easy to give advice to someone, to tell a person what he or she should do, but taking actions, that’s something different. Certainly most people care about me, when they want to tell me how I should live my life and what I am supposed to do. But they are not me. It’s my life, and my decisions. I might not be perfect, neither are they, and I don’t want to be(come). I want to make mistakes, so please let me learn, let me grow, let me be me.

After going to college and getting my Bachelor’s degree, I worked for a few months at an IT company. It was much fun, and I learned a lot. But this job was temporary. And afterwards I decided to take three months off. I just needed a short break before actually starting my “post-college-work-life”. I’m currently looking for a new job, but this time I’d like to find a permanent one.

After all the learning, doing research for my bachelor’s thesis, and also working a full-time job and writing my thesis at the same time, I felt exhausted. Because of that job, I could save some money to afford the break I needed, and it felt very good. I finally had time to blog here on WordPress again – I took a break from that, too, while I was writing my thesis and working – and I had time to spend with my friends who I haven’t seen in a while.

Most of my friends and family understood that I needed some time off, but not all of them. Especially those who didn’t go to college kept saying: “that’s just school and no real work, why would you need a few months off?” Yes, okay. I “only” wrote a bit after reading some books. That’s no big deal, is it? Well, writing a thesis actually is a bit more than that. And going to college is not endless parties and stay in bed the whole day. At least, my college life was anything but that.

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Life is as easy as dancing – it only looks like that for those who just watch.

When I think of life, the image of a dancer passes through my mind. I really can’t dance, I can only oddly move to music. But I love to do that. It frees me. Music helps me to find my tune, my way to live my life. Dancing looks pretty easy when one can do it right. It’s hard work for the dancer, but the person in the audience who sees it, instantly wants to join the dance. Of course she can’t, because everything that looks so simple, isn’t that at all.

I don’t want to be judged for my decisons. I don’t have the perfect life, or the ideal CV, because I now haven’t worked in the past five months – well, I was writing on my book and some scripts, improving my English as it is not my mother tongue and my writing skills as well. I am also thinking of taking Spanish classes, because I always wanted to learn that language – but all that doesn’t count, of course. Only contracts do which I can add to my CV. Not working for a company, means to most bosses being lazy. And please don’t tell me that finding a good job is the easiest thing in the world.

If life was a Broadway musical, I’d love it even more – not only because I love theater so much, and hope to see another play on Broadway or even a musical in the near future. I now know that everywhere I go can be a stage, the audience is all around me, watching me as an artist of life. Realizing that makes me think differently of those who tell me I live the easy life, and chose to go to college because it’s simpler than working, and that I needed to relax after doing all the rest at college. Watching someone doing something is not hard at all, but actually doing something is very different.

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2 thoughts on “Not in my dancing shoes

  1. Sanny, you are entirely right when you say that another person’s life only looks like an easy and graceful dance to the observer who isn’t the one dancing. Nobody can know what you are experiencing, and nobody can live your life for you. A big “HOORAY!” to you for taking the time that you need. Trust me, when you do find the right path for yourself, you will know that taking the necessary time was worth it. After I finished college, I took no time off and went straight into four years of doctoral studies. I was miserable, depressed, and exhausted throughout the entire process. I never paused to really ask myself, “Why am I doing this? SHOULD I be doing this?” I finished my doctorate, and I took the fast-paced, high-intensity job that I was supposed to take. That’s when I developed an eating disorder to cope with how unmanageable my life had become. Four years later, I suffered a complete breakdown and ended up being shipped off 800 miles away to a treatment program. I am so grateful for that breakdown. It gave me the opportunity to do what I never did before, which was stop and ask myself, “What do I really want from life?” I’m in a different job now, with very flexible hours, although I usually feel like I’m not challenged. For now, it is OK, because I am finally learning to slow down. Hopefully, soon, I will know what I want to be when I grow up, but until then, I am learning to enjoy the simple things in life. I hope that you find your passion, and that while you are looking, you enjoy life’s dance (even if it is difficult and awkward at times).

    1. Thanks so much for taking time to read my post and commenting, Lulu. Means a lot to me. Many of my friends also went straight to work after college, some said that they wished they’d taken a break. Well, I am glad that I did, but now I have to deal with a little gap in my CV. Anyway I don’t regret it. I’m not a robot and anything but perfect.
      Thanks for sharing your story, Lulu. Sounds pretty intense. Getting a doctorate is probably even more stressful than a Bachelor’s degree. I think we live in a time when we are forced to be perfect, to simply work all the time. But we are human beings and no machines. Do you like your new job? Flexible hours sound great.
      You are right: enjoy the simple things in life. Sometimes it’s good to leave the fast lane, slow down and enjoy more driving the road of life.

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